The British Military writes OFRs (officer fitness reports).  The form
used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206.  The
following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206s"....

He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire
satisfaction.

He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

I would not breed from this Officer.

In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

Only occasionally wets himself under pressure

She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them.

Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

Technically sound, but socially impossible.

The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to
port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definitely won't-be.

This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning
around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since
then he has aged considerably.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever
foot was previously in there.

Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
trap.